What a week! The media had a field day with the Ray Rice, Janay Rice (formerly Janay Palmer) domestic dispute video between the couple that was released by the gossip website TMZ. Everyone had an opinion on the video. Most of the opinions were very irrational and just reacting to TMZ eye grasping headline. If and when you analyze the video, you will notice that Ray taunted Janay by blowing (maybe spat) in her face. She hit him with her arm, he hit her back; Janay then launches toward him to continue the fight. Ray Rice smacks her really hard, not punch her–there is distinct difference–forcing her to lose her balance and hitting her head on the railing, the rest is history. Am I taking up for Ray Rice, certainly not, I do not advocate the use of violence and an am a proponent of the nonaggression principle. They both were wrong in this case; the two were physically combative toward each other.
It amazes me how the media purposely leaves out important factoids to only benefit their agenda. Because on February 15th, the day of the incident, Ray Rice along with Janay were arrested for the same charges, “simple assault domestic violence.” The couple also refused treatment, when asked by police. There should have never been any ambiguity of what occurred in the elevator because the police observed the footage, prior to making an arrest, according to the Baltimore Sun. And even if he knocked her out like Iron Mike, should there have been only one arrest, not two?
Reading, hearing, and watching the irrational commentaries to the real ease of the video and the NFL’s response, has been without no equivocation exasperating. Many feminist men have been going on a man-bashing tirade, more than feminist, than actually addressing domestic violence. This successful campaign to illustrate that domestic violence is a male problem and that men need help is so misguided. Men like James Brown of CBS are a part of the problem, especially in his rant on Thursday Night Football. Women are not the only victims of domestic violence, understand it, grasp it, it is the truth. Stop this naiveté.
Domestic Violence,(which is also known as intimate partner violence) is a pattern of behaviors that equate to violence, as well as other abuses. DV is not gender bias, yes men can be victims of abuse more often than feminist would like to admit; abuses also occurs in many homosexual relationships. The types of abuses in an intimate partner violent relationship include physical, emotional, verbal, financial, and sexual abuse. Victims in domestic violence relationships will experience what experts call, the Cycle of Violence. The cycle of consists of three phases: tension building, explosion, and a honeymoon/reconciliation phase. Organizations like the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence cannot argue with the fact that men are also victims. However, when promoting their cause there is a strong concentration on the abuse of women and belittles the abuse of men and I am not just referring to within homosexual couples. There are way too many statistics and research that is suppressed about domestic violence because it does not fit the narrative.
I would this argument a lot that if a man was being a abused he should just leave; a pretty ignorant statement to make you don’t tell a female victim so why tell a male. However, I do believe that every human being has the willpower to walk away from any relationship, understanding the situation is a different story. Several, years ago I worked for a nonprofit organization, in a Northeastern major city that created a program catered to the victims and survivors of domestic violence. I must say, it is a one of a kind of an organization. Of the four DV programs/organizations in the city this one also counseled men–a very sad phenomenon, it is a rarity throughout the county–I was also the only male counselor. During my tenure there I counseled men and women.
DV Counseling Experience
Women, of course, consisted of most of my clientele and there is no disputing their stories were graphic, disheartening and repulsive, making me become more of an advocate against domestic violence. However, the media has succeeded in the attempt to apprise society about abuse toward women but hesitates to mention the abuse men endure by women. During my tenure, I remember counseling four male victims, all four were involved in a heterosexual relationship; of the four three were married.
In many of the cases involving men, they were usually mandated by the court to attend counseling session because their child(ren) were removed from the home because a domestic abuse. As they spoke about their relationships with their significant other, the reality that they were victims of domestic violence came to fruition. As much as they want to leave, fear of losing their child(ren), or being classified as the abuser is too much of a reality. I heard stories of men seeking refuge in lock doors of their own home, after their partner attacked them with pans, knives, and other dangerous objects being thrown at their face; there were even stories of pushed down the stair resulting in injuries.
There was this one client who came in for an unscheduled session, we met several times and developed a good rapport. When I entered into the counseling room, I greeted him and asked him what was wrong, he responded by telling me that he got into an altercation with his wife. He proceeded to show me that the injuries he inflicted by his abusive wife; there were scratches on his chest, and he remove his sunglasses to show his black eye. He kept insisting that he didn’t hit her, he refused to call the police because he is fearful that he would lose his son. I eventually convinced him to call the police.
Violence on men and women—I’ll even include children—is with no equivocation is WRONG. When media commentators and other public figures tell the public that men are the cause for domestic violence, it sends a message to women that they are weak. That women have no control over their actions, better yet control over their lives. Women are amazing, intelligent human being, who are capable of making rational and logical decisions. They should be held to a higher/same standard as men; we cannot make equality subjective for a particular gender. Ending domestic violence means ending violence by men and women.